I thought about it…

I thought about my miscarriage today.

It’s played a lot in my mind recently (obviously going into hospital on Monday to have my miscarriage take place doesn’t help that…), and it just sucks. I don’t know what to feel at the moment.

I’m busy trying to look after my 2 year old while trying to rest and when I get time to myself (like now), I think about what has happened and how I feel and quite honestly, I don’t know how I feel anymore. I’m sad because I see my daughter and all I want is to have my little baby growing inside me still. I’m angry at my body for what has happened, and the aftermath of my D&C.

I just feel empty.

I have moments where it’s out of my mind and I don’t think about it but then my body reminds me that this is life and this is what has occurred. It sucks.

I want to cry but no tears come. I want to move on but it seems that everywhere I turn there are babies and announcements of impending births and it makes it come crashing down. I can’t avoid it but I know that I need to deal with it and my emotions but right now, I don’t know what I feel.

I just don’t know……

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