I went back to work last night.

I had been off for about 3 weeks following the news of my little angel passing at 7 weeks into my pregnancy.

It was hard.

There was a lot that I couldn’t do and some things I did do that I know now that I shouldn’t have done.

For those who don’t know, I stack shelves at my local supermarket and while the actual stacking wasn’t the issue (as my manager had said to me he would let me do the lighter stuff), the checkout was the killer. I served two people with trolleys full of stuff and it made my night nearly unbearable.

I nearly went home because my back hurt that badly. I had to stop, go out the back, have a drink and count to 20. I brought some ibuprofen on break and took 2 tablets but they didn’t kick in at all so I was in pain all night. At least I know for the next time I work to talk to the manager and let her know that that is something I can’t do.

Another thing that I did have an issue with was I was down the aisle with the pregnancy tests and baby stuff in which did make me feel a tad bit more emotional then normal. It reminded me of all the joy and subsequent sadness that I had been trying to suppress the last few weeks.

It was a very hard night and I felt, at times, like I shouldn’t have gone back as I didn’t feel ready, but I think it was the right thing to do. Try and get back to normal life. Trying….