Monthly Archives: September 2018

Is it really all that common?

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*Disclaimer: This post contains quite graphic scenarios. If squirmish, stop reading now!*

On Monday 24th September, I posted about the fact that I had been spotting/bleeding after my Ultrasound the week before. Well, this week it has gotten worse.

It has gone from spotting then a small bleed to now being like a period and now, to top it all off, I now have clotting going on as well. Today has been the heaviest bleeding I’ve had. But also, very little pain. But quite some clotting.

I went to the doctors yesterday, as I started clotting yesterday, and she basically said that there was nothing she could do and that I really need to wait till Monday till my ultrasound to see what is going on.
She did do a urine pregnancy test there and then and even before it had reached the end, it was coming up a clear positive so I’m hoping that’s a good sign. She seemed OK with that which I suppose is helpful.

I just wish this would stop.

It’s worrying me and even though I’m supposed to be ‘taking it easy’ (medical professionals have been telling me all week to do it) I still have my daughter (2.5 years old) running around and needing looking after and I also have housework that needs my attention.

Has anyone else had this?
I’ve been told it’s quite common so I’m hoping for the best but it’s scaring me quite frankly.

Let me know if this has happened to you and your outcomes. I really want to know how common this is….

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Hospital visits are not fun

And I’ve had two over the weekend.

As my last post says, my partner and I are having baby #2, due May next year. I am so excited.
After my miscarriage earlier this year, this has come both as a huge shock and also a quite pleasant surprise.
In saying that though, I have been a bit panicky.

*This may get a bit “Too Much Information” so if you don’t like it, I’m very sorry…*

It all started on Friday. I had been out during the day (I cant remember what doing…) and come home. I went to the bathroom and noticed there was brown on the paper. I went to ring the doctor and they were shut (they had closed at 5 and it was 5:05……) so I googled it, (don’t judge, I didn’t know what to do.). As I read, it became apparent that it was OK and not to stress. So I tried not to.
7pm rocked around and I was about to give my daughter a bath and I went again and this time it was bright red. I googled again and it said basically to go to hospital. I rang my partner at work and asked him to come home. Which he did. I also rang my mum to come and take me to hospital, (my partner can’t drive and my daughter needed someone home with her.)

So we got there and waited. And waited. Then I got called in and they had to take some blood.
This I got a little annoyed at but went OK because I had had a blood test the day before and been stabbed 4 times before they got any blood out. So I let them do that and then waited some more.

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What I had in my hand after they took my blood….. 😦

So when the doctor finally got to me, he said I was totally fine. No miscarriage as far as he could tell. So I was sent home.

The next day, bout 7pm, it happened again.

I rang the hospital and the put me through to doctors after hours who told me to go back to emergency. So I rang my mum again and asked her to drive me through to the other hospital 40 minutes away.
And again we waited. And waited. And waited.
We were there for nearly 5 hours (they were busy…) and in the end I was given a needle and told I could go home. Seriously!

So the last two days, I have been trying my best to relax and take it easy. Which isn’t easy being I have a 2.5 year old who is going through the terrible twos. But, as of right now, she’s napping so I’m taking the time to relax before work.
I’m back at my doctors tomorrow so I will let her know as well what’s been going on and we shall see what happens.
I’m just trying to relax…. that’s all I want to do……

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An information paper I found while waiting at #2 hospital. Quite a handy read at the time.

Articles I’ve read…

I was reading an article yesterday about a lady who felt bad because she had an epidural when she gave birth.

She wanted as close to a natural birth as possible and so when complications came her way, she was advised to have an epidural.

Now she feels guilty about it.

Me, I don’t have any guilt over it.

I know of people who’ve had natural births. I know people who’ve had c-sections. Me, I had my daughter at a hospital with a pre-planed epidural. Why? Because I really didn’t know how I would go with the pain and really, given the size of my daughter (11 pound/5 kg), I’m kind of glad that I did.

I remember during one of my visits to antenatal and we were talking about pain relief and she asked me if I had any questions and I asked about the epidural. I had watched birthing shows (British birthing shows at that) where they showed the epidural being administered and I wasn’t too sure about it, but I decided that that was what I wanted.

I think about it now and I realize that I did the right thing. I read the stories about home births and hospital births and people feeling bad because they didn’t do it this way or that way. To me, there is no right or wrong way. You are giving birth to a little human who thinks you are the best person in the world. You are giving life. Does it make a difference how it gets here? I don’t know…..

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My daughter rock hopping over East Devonport,  August 2018

 

Tea Room Chatter….

I was sitting in the tea room at work on Monday. For my break. I was sitting there with the team minding my own business and then these two ladies started talking about pregnancy, miscarriages and abortions.

Now, I had been a little upset recently (as I explained in my previous post) about my miscarriage and subsequent events that followed.

So sitting there listening to this conversation was really quite difficult. I was really struggling to keep it together and I did feel at one point about getting up and walking out. But I didn’t. Instead I sat there and tried as hard as I could not to listen. It was hard and something that I know I need to deal with but I really did think that I was over it. I really did think that I had moved on from it.

Obviously not.

And when I went back to work, I was down an aisle by myself and so my mind went into thinking mode which made me want to cry even more.

I thought about asking to go home. But I didn’t.

Because I know that I have some ways to go.

I know that I need to deal with this head on and face my fears of people talking about it. Some days it really is just hard…..

Sitting here….

IMG_1488(Edited)Currently sitting in my bed listening to music, (Here to Show the World-Dolph Ziggler [WWE]) and I was trying to nap. I got crabby yesterday because I didn’t get a nap and today I have the opportunity to have one and I can’t. I can’t nap. So wrestling music in my headphones going, my diffuser is going and I just can’t get my mind working right.

I actually can’t nap today because as much as I try, I can’t get my miscarriage out of my mind. It’s been on my mind now for a little while and it’s really upsetting. I keep remembering details like they happened yesterday.

I remember going to the ultrasound and finding out. I remember going to see the gynecologist and him telling me I had 2 options to miscarry as my body wasn’t doing it. Tablets or D&C. I chose the latter.

I remember going into hospital and having it done. I remember waking up disorientated and all I wanted at that moment was my partner and daughter. I remember my stay overnight at the hospital. How out of it I felt. How I wished I didn’t have to be there. How I wished for my baby back.

I remember having the conversations with the doctors and nurses at the hospital. The anesthetists talking to me. I just wanted it to be over. I wanted to move on.

And I thought I had. I thought, at 9 weeks post surgery, that I was past it. But I wasn’t.

A few weeks ago it all came crashing back to me. It hit me. HARD. And all because my body decided it was going to try and go back to normal.
That week was horrible. I was arguing with the people closest to me. Having disagreements about choices in my life. Then putting up the facade that I was OK. And I wasn’t. I was going to bed most nights upset and ready to cry. I would look at my daughter and wish that she was going to be a big sister.  And I didn’t tell anyone. I still am upset at what happened and trying to move on.

I know I can’t change what happened. My body did the best it could. I just wish things were different.