Well, unfortunately Monday was a bad day.
In fact it was a really bad day.
As I mentioned in my post Nervous wait… I had an ultrasound booked as I had been bleeding for a week with no real reason.
Well, that reason was made apparent at the ultrasound.
I have lost our baby again….
This, for those who don’t know, is my partner and I’s second miscarriage within the space of seven months, so it makes me upset even more that this has happened.
Only good news to come from this is it looks like I will do it at home this time instead of having to go to the hospital.
That’s the only good news.
Work has been great about it. We went in and saw them yesterday and they were very understanding. It just does make it hard because everyone knew how excited we were.
I had been struggling though with fatigue and how much I could do but I was willing to give it my all and I feel like I did.
I’m not overly sure of how I’m feeling. I suppose at the moment I am in shock that it has happened again. I have seen the doctor and she advised us to wait until a few months down the line before we even think about trying again.
I did ask for ‘the pill’ as a precaution because as much as I want another child, I think it’s in my best interest to get myself as stable as possible before I even think about bringing in someone else to this world.
I want to get a new car, I want to be financially stable, I want to be in the best shape possible before I even think about this new life and I think my partner and I really need to be on the same page about family before we do it.
I do wonder about why my body has done this and I do wonder about maybe getting some outside information about why my body can’t seem to conceive when we know that I can….The doctor did say if it happened again that they would do testing but I’m hoping that there won’t be a next time.
Hopefully next time we conceive, we carry baby full term.
But I miss this whole being pregnant thing. I should be pregnant right now and my body’s just making it hard.
I don’t know what to do….
RIP My little buddy xoxox