This past week has been nothing short of s*** and a blur. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to feel. And I feel out of sorts. For those wondering, please read back to my previous post Not the news I wanted… and that pretty much explains it.
I have been trying to push my feelings to the way side as I can see my partner is hurting. I also push them to the side as we have a daughter who needs her parents and housework that needs to be done.
This past Friday, I needed some time. I needed some me time.
So, as my partner had gone into his recluse stage and I wanted to get out, I asked my family to look after my daughter for a little while so I could be me.
I needed it. I sat around in this chair for an hour or two and I wrote. I wrote whatever came to mind. I wrote down what I needed to get off my chest.
I watched platypus swimming. I watched the ducks swim around. I listened to the wind in the trees. I soaked up the sun. I took some ‘me’ time and tried to wrap my head around life and why things happen the way that they do.
In a certain way I prayed. I prayed for life to show me what needs to be done. I prayed for an answer as to why things that have happened, have happened.
I know I can’t take back what has happened and I do wish things were different. I wish that I knew why these things have happened but I don’t think that I will ever find that out.
But I can try.
And by taking some me time, I realized that while I don’t know why things have happened, I can change certain things to make them more beneficial in the long run. I know things take time so when I get the all clear, I will start with little steps and try and rebuild.
Will things go back to the way that they were? Probably not……but I can take steps to try and make sure that they don’t happen again.