Secret news on the downlow…

Well, this has come as a surprise… I’m pregnant again..

This is my third pregnancy this year as my previous two have ended in miscarriage so I’m hoping that third time is a charm.

I honestly don’t know how to feel at this point because I had it in my mind that I wasn’t going to fall pregnant till the new year (not all that far away I know) and I also knew that my partner didn’t want anymore as he was pretty heartbroken about the miscarriages. More then I thought he would be anyway.

So let me tell you about this pregnancy so far.

November 20th I decided to take a test. The reason….my period hadn’t come yet after my previous miscarriage and it had been 7 weeks. I had had all the symptoms of it returning and….nothing.
So after my partner left for work I decided to take a test.
Yes+
What do I do? I don’t know. I was so confused. I wasn’t sure how my partner would react and I wanted to tell someone, but I couldn’t. I could already feel the judgement.
So I went and made a doctors appointment for December 3rd (this coming Monday, I will let you know how it goes), and carried on about my business, trying subtly to change any bad habits that would put my pregnancy in danger.

Then this past Monday, 26th of November, I finally told my partner. He had patted my stomach and had told my daughter to pat it as well and I said no don’t. He asked why and I told him and OH MY GOD! What a terrible reaction! He was all like “Abort it! If you don’t then I’ll leave and our daughter will be daddy-less and you won’t ever get money off of me!”
So I backed off and let him be to which he stopped talking to me. Anytime he did it was all about abortion and hurry it up and what not.
I couldn’t believe that he would do that to me and I felt so alone. I knew he didn’t want to go through the whole miscarriage thing again. It’s bloody devastating. But he also, I’m pretty sure, knew that I hadn’t started my pill and so when he brought that up I told him I had thought that I didn’t have to take that till my period returned.

So, right now, I’m not sure where he stands. I have a doctors appointment Monday so I hope he will come to it and not push the abortion thing at me again. Every time I think about it I want to cry. I have never done it but I know myself that I would regret it for the rest of my life.

In terms of me personally, I have had the symptoms and when I have taken tests they are all pretty positive. I have had morning sickness/nausea, sore boobs, I’ve been a bit dizzy and I’ve been tired and get really tired really easily.
So I’ll keep you guys posted about what happens from here on out…

IMG_2052
A Yes+ and a Pregnant 1-2 Weeks….Taken 21st November, 2018. Third times a charm hopefully…
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