Getting my fitness ideas on..

I was thinking today about how sore my back is.

If you want to happen, read my previous post Trying to get back to it.. and I explain why it’s sore there.

But when I was thinking about it, I was thinking about my venture about trying to be a healthier version of myself. One of the things I have done is I have registered for the Healthy Mummy challenge. I like the Healthy Mummy smoothies as before I fell pregnant earlier this year (again, read back my previous posts starting at Sometimes life throws a curve ball.. ), I lost about 4 kilos and was so proud of myself. I stopped when I was pregnant as I was always hungry and just didn’t find the shake satisfying enough at that time.

However, since then I have decided that I want to lose the weight and I want to do it the right way. I have set myself a goal that I want to compete in the Women’s 5km Walk/Run in September. However, I feel like I need to set myself some mini goals between now and then. I’ve decided that on top of losing weight my first mini goals are to strengthen my core and my back as both are not the best. It has been said to me before about my core not being in great shape (I went to a physio years ago and she said that I needed to fix it) and that that would fix my back issues. So, that’s my goal.

Goals are as follows between now and September 16:
-Lose approx 16kgs (putting that down to 1kg per week)
-Strengthen core muscles/deal with muscle separation from first pregnancy
-Hopefully, by strengthening my core muscles, I should fix my back issues

If you have an helpful hints and tips, please feel free to comment…

*To shop for Healthy Mummy shakes, click here*

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Me at Cataract Gorge, Launceston in 2012. I was the smallest I’d been in years due to having braces (That’s why my mouth is funny) and I didn’t like how I looked then. What I wish I could tell myself now!

Trying to get back to it..

I went back to work last night.

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Here is a selfie of me before I started last night.

I had been off for about 3 weeks following the news of my little angel passing at 7 weeks into my pregnancy.

It was hard.

There was a lot that I couldn’t do and some things I did do that I know now that I shouldn’t have done.

For those who don’t know, I stack shelves at my local supermarket and while the actual stacking wasn’t the issue (as my manager had said to me he would let me do the lighter stuff), the checkout was the killer. I served two people with trolleys full of stuff and it made my night nearly unbearable.

I nearly went home because my back hurt that badly. I had to stop, go out the back, have a drink and count to 20. I brought some ibuprofen on break and took 2 tablets but they didn’t kick in at all so I was in pain all night. At least I know for the next time I work to talk to the manager and let her know that that is something I can’t do.

Another thing that I did have an issue with was I was down the aisle with the pregnancy tests and baby stuff in which did make me feel a tad bit more emotional then normal. It reminded me of all the joy and subsequent sadness that I had been trying to suppress the last few weeks.

It was a very hard night and I felt, at times, like I shouldn’t have gone back as I didn’t feel ready, but I think it was the right thing to do. Try and get back to normal life. Trying….

I’ve signed up again..

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Well, I have decided to enter this year into the Cancer Council’s ‘Women’s 5km Walk/Run 2018’/ I did this last year and was really proud to have achieved something that was on my bucket list and so I thought, why not do it again? And this time I have entered into the ‘Healthy Mummy’ team so it gives me that extra bit of motivation to get myself into shape.

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This is me (L) and my mum last year at the Cancer Council’s Women’s 5km event.

Another reason I am doing this is because I like to think that by participating in this event, it can raise awareness and funds for the Cancer Council. My family have been touched by cancer in many ways and I would love it if one day, there can be a cure for all the cancers in the world. May be a bit of wishful thinking there but wouldn’t it be great if we could rid the world of cancer. I sure wish we could.

If you would like to donate, here is the link to my page..
http://tas.cancercouncilfundraising.org.au/lillianphillis?SID=(!SolicitationID)&LangPref=en-CA&EID=50634

This event will be held September 16th, 2018. If you would like to enter the official site is here

 

 

 

Doing it the right way

As you guys may be aware, last night I had it said to me, from my partner, that I need to lose weight.

Last night I took it to heart as I have gone through a miscarriage recently, and subsequently, had to have it surgically taken care of as my body wouldn’t do it naturally (which annoyed me but any who…..).

I was thinking about it last night and today and the more I thought about it, the more I knew that I was fully aware of this fact and I don’t need to be told about it.

I see myself in the mirror everyday and I know that, personally, I’m not happy with the way I looked. In fact, in a previous post ‘I miss it‘ I spoke about how, when I was pregnant with my daughter, it was this first time that I had been happy with my body. I don’t know why I was but the bigger I got, the more proud of my body I got. Maybe it’s just the whole creating life that I loved but either way, I think pregnancy agreed with me (I thought so)

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Me at 40 +7 weeks, 2 days before I had to be induced with my daughter. 2nd January 2016.

So, getting back to the current times, before I fell pregnant this year, I was actually using a product called Healthy Mummy and I loved it. I had lost bout 4-5 kilos before I found out I was pregnant and I was super excited. Then a few weeks ago, my miscarriage happened and I was devastated. Now, today, I had an epiphany.  I will try again to lose weight and I will be doing it again with help from HEALTHY MUMMY, but I won’t do it until I get the all clear from the doctors and I feel better to exercise. And, after seeing a picture my aunty took on Mothers Day this year, I want to look and feel better about myself.

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Me, on 13/05/2018 out with family for mothers day. Weight was 90.1kg

I will update you all when I can get started 😉 I want to be a good role model to my daughter and currently, just feel lazy, tired, unhealthy. I know I have the support around me, I just need to make it happen for myself.

Had a moment

I don’t know what to say other then, just now, I had a cry.

I had a cry because my partner said a couple of things to me and didn’t seem to realize how much it upset me.

He said two things to me.

  1. This is HIS house and when I argued that I pay rent, bills and do housework, he said I don’t do anything and
  2. That I need to lose weight

Now, see why I got upset. Couple that with what happened to me this week it just got to me.

My reasoning for getting upset at these things were 1). I haven’t done anything this week BECAUSE I CAN’T! I had surgery this week and I have found it hard to bend over and lift things and so I have been very limited by what I can and cannot do. I found that even stacking the dishwasher caused pain. Putting away the shopping that I ordered hurt. Like, THAT’S WHY I HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING!!!!!!
And 2). I have just lost our baby and before I fell pregnant I was actually losing weight, FOR MYSELF!

So to hear these things from my partner who knows what has been going on is heartbreaking. And when I told him that I didn’t want him near me after he came back inside from his smoke, he told me I was over sensitive. Seriously!?!?!?

Am I being over sensitive? I don’t think I am. I think I have every right to be feeling the way that I am.

That’s what made me cry. My partner and his words.

I thought about it…

I thought about my miscarriage today.

It’s played a lot in my mind recently (obviously going into hospital on Monday to have my miscarriage take place doesn’t help that…), and it just sucks. I don’t know what to feel at the moment.

I’m busy trying to look after my 2 year old while trying to rest and when I get time to myself (like now), I think about what has happened and how I feel and quite honestly, I don’t know how I feel anymore. I’m sad because I see my daughter and all I want is to have my little baby growing inside me still. I’m angry at my body for what has happened, and the aftermath of my D&C.

I just feel empty.

I have moments where it’s out of my mind and I don’t think about it but then my body reminds me that this is life and this is what has occurred. It sucks.

I want to cry but no tears come. I want to move on but it seems that everywhere I turn there are babies and announcements of impending births and it makes it come crashing down. I can’t avoid it but I know that I need to deal with it and my emotions but right now, I don’t know what I feel.

I just don’t know……

I hate this…..

What I’m hating on at the moment is my body. It’s failing me big time. I can’t even bend down to stack the dishwasher without feeling pain.
For those unaware (refer to my previous post), I had a D&C on Monday. I thought maybe my body would be a tad better today, (3 days later), but no. It’s not. I was in pain last night because I stacked the dishwasher and it was a lot of bending over. I was trying to be careful and apparently it wasn’t right. So, now, just been stuck at home for 2 days and the most I’ve achieved is online grocery shopping. I had to do something. There is only so much I can do and since I knew we needed food (craving veggies tonight and there are none!) so I figured that I would do that today since I can’t physically do a lot.

Has anyone else had a D&C and how did you manage? What did you do to help you along your journey? Let me know your thoughts…

 

Sometimes life throws a curve ball..

Well, the last few weeks have been tough. Really tough. We lost our baby at at the 7 week mark of our pregnancy.

Back in the last week of April, on a Friday, my partner and I went to our third ultrasound. At the time we estimated that we were about 7 weeks along. When we got to the ultrasound, the man doing it didn’t seem to be telling us much. When he did, he said it didn’t look promising and that he would get someone else in to check. When he did, they seemed to confirm,without saying it, that our baby was gone. He said that the baby hadn’t grown since the last ultrasound and that he couldn’t find a heartbeat. I was devastated. My partner didn’t show it at the time but was trying to comfort me. We went to our workplace and asked for time off as we were both pretty shaken. The next week was a bit of a blur as I was trying to avoid what was going on. I didn’t want it to be true. I had wanted this baby for over a year and to have it lost was just unbelievable. It’s something that I didn’t understand and that I didn’t think would happen to me.
So, I spent the weeks waiting to hear back from doctors and gynecologist to see what was going on. When I did eventually get to see the Gyno, he said that my body had basically been miscarrying for four weeks and that he thought it was time for medical intervention. I, being me, had been reading (Google-ing) what happened at these appointments and what my options were. I read all the forums I could, all the information that I could find about what was going on because I didn’t have anyone telling me anything. So when the Gyno said that I could have either one of two options, I chose the D&C. So he said that I could have it done the next day but when I rang, they said that no I wouldn’t. Man was I annoyed! I had spent all night stressing and to have that news come at me was so frustrating. So they said that would ring when they had an appointment for me.
The hospital rang the next day with an appointment. At BURNIE!
So I had my D&C on Monday this week and man, have I been thrown for 6. I went in at 2:05pm (I had been told to be there at 11am but had to wait as I was second on the list) and I woke up at 4:15pm.

I was made aware by the surgeon that I had lost a lot of blood when I was under (1 litre of blood in theater which is unusual) so I had to stay overnight which I wasn’t prepared for. It was emotional to say the least as I have never had a night away from my daughter (2 year old) and all I wanted to do was get home to both my partner and her. I missed them terribly.
So the next day I got home and it was so lovely to be home but I was so tired and 2 days after my D&C I’m still a bit woozy in the head and I can’t lift my daughter which is frustrating.
But the worst thing I have is that I saw someones birth announcement and originally I was super happy for them and then I started cramping and it reminded me of what I’m missing. It brought me back down to earth about what has happened.

So, to end this blog, if you haven’t seen me around lately, that’s why. I’ve been trying in a way to avoid seeing people as I haven’t really known what to say. I miss my little Finn (I was convinced that it was going to be a boy and that’s what I wanted to call him) and I wish that things were different but sometimes, life throws a curveball and I hope that one day, I can have what I missed this time round.

RIP My little angel baby, Finn
xoxo

 

Well, that was a surprise…..

Well, that was a very big surprise…..I’m PREGNANT!

Baby #2 due approximately mid to late November this year and I am excited as punch.

This is more exciting for me then my partner because I did want another baby but I also wanted him to be on board with having another one but we hadn’t spoken about it or anything so it was a bit of a shock to the system I think…….

Also, this pregnancy has started out more differently then the last. I have been getting nausea every day and I had a bad back for a couple of weeks which I thought was out of the ordinary, and my boobs hurt. All classic symptoms of PMS I know but the nausea I only get for like one day when it’s PMS and I’ve had it for like a week and a half. Not fun. I was also 2 days late which threw me off but, mind you, I was 7 days late before and it was just my body playing tricks on me.

I took 2 tests this time just to make sure and I would hope that if I took a test today that it would be a lot more clearer.
I did go to the doctor and she sent me for blood test which I did yesterday (not fun and very ouch!) but I’m hoping that in a couple of weeks when I go for my ultrasound, that everything will be OK. I think that’s when it will sink in a bit more that this is real and happening…..

I can’t wait! Exciting 30th birthday surprise for me! (I found out Tuesday which happened to be my birthday….

Anyway, hope your all well

xoxo

I have the patience of a 2 year old!

That’s what my partner said to me two days ago!

I will put what I posted on social media that morning…

‘Apparently, I have the patience of a two year old!!!!!
SCENARIO: Daughter (2year old) wakes up at 4am and doesn’t want to sleep…. at all… I try everything I can think of…. finally get up at 6:30 giving up…. come out to kitchen…. no coffee! Feed the baby, watch cartoons for half hour or so then dress her and I and go out to get coffee… got home just to here “where did u go? Why? U don’t need coffee that badly?” All this from the comfort of his bed… then when I say yes I need it cause I been up since 4am he says I have the patience of a 2 year old!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not a great start to the day….

Now, this is a an issue that is becoming a common occurrence. Not so much the waking up early, but the father and partner saying that I have no patience and giving me parenting advice…… He does it a lot more often then I care to count. It’s not a once off which makes it all the more annoying. It’s frustrating because I bed share with our daughter and my partner sleeps in his own room but fricking hell! At least get up if you can hear something going on!

Now, when he says I have the patience of a 2 year old he is referring the fact that I have gotten angry and told my daughter off quite a number of times. I do try not to. I am really trying to work on my temper and sometimes my daughter is unfortunately pushing the buttons on an already temperamental mother (those days are normally because my partner has argued with me or whinged at me over something….) and so I’m already angry and it just gets worse.

I have tried talking to my partner about this and I just get that I shouldn’t take things too personally and that I should try and work on my anger and that I’m just sulking! WTF! Seriously!

I’m trying to get in touch with a relationship counselor to try and sort out these sorts of issues but what do you guys think? Let me know…..

Little miss had a fall…..

On Friday I was playing with my daughter and my mum on the back steps of her house. My daughter loves showing how she can go up and down the stairs more confidently now so it is always a joyful moment for us.
Anyway, she had a fall and she hurt herself (which is fair enough, she is 21 months and likes to explore/climb etc) and I didn’t think that much of it. Until I got home.
She wouldn’t put any weight on her right foot what so ever and I even tried to give her a bath (favorite past time) and she wasn’t having it.
I took her to mum’s and she said to go round the chemist and get her checked out. So off we went and they looked at her and said that I should wait to the morning and if she wasn’t better to take her to the GP or hospital and they would probably x-ray her to make sure she was OK.
I took her home, tried to give her Panadol (recommended by chemist) and she wouldn’t take it so I gave her boob and she went to sleep no dramas. She slept much better then what she normally does so I was like “YES!”

So I woke Saturday morning and she still wouldn’t put any weight on her foot so I messaged mum and we decided to take her out the hospital….

That started the waiting game!

We got the hospital bout 10:30am and we waited, and waited, and waited till about 1-2pm then we went to have her x-ray and then I waited another hour to be told that nothing was broken and that she just had a sprain and that to keep up the panadol and if it wasn’t better in 10 days to bring her back to the GP/Hospital and they would do more x-rays!

And low and behold, she is much better. Still limping but shes on her foot walking around and running (do have to tell her to be careful but still……)

I’m glad my daughter is OK but I am concerned that we had to wait that long….

My daughter and I
This is me and my daughter waiting to hear back from the doctors about her xrays on her foot 😦

 

Does this look familiar?

OMG! Please tell me this is what other peoples bathrooms look like!  I keep looking at our bathroom and thinking ‘I really should go through it…’ I have that many products from skin cleansers to moisturizers to soaps to baby stuff…..I think we really should have a look through and see what we need to what we don’t……that’s the next big task I think….. help to get us a bit more organized especially with a young one around the house…..Only trouble I’m having is that the job in question will be a ‘I can do it’ job and not a shared job…. except maybe the 20 month old who seems insistent on helping with everything!